To Your Teenage Self

I wish you knew how to love yourself as you were.

I wish you knew you had talents that weren’t just hobbies.

I wish you knew that those hobbies (that gave you anxiety and existential dread if you went too long without doing them) were not just hobbies.

I wish you believed it when your mother told you you could sing.

I wish you believed it when your father told you you were pretty.

I wish you knew your weight had nothing to do with your beauty.

I wish you didn’t feel like alcohol was cool.

I wish you knew having friends at church did not mean you were a Christian.

I wish you knew it was okay to doubt sometimes. How do you know you have faith if you don’t have doubt to test it?

I wish you knew you were worthy of those wild dreams you had.

I wish you knew that when adults were talking you out of following those wild dreams, that was more about them than about you.

I wish you knew there was more ahead for you than a good report card.

I wish you knew to practice mindfulness, meditation and consistent self care.

I wish you had asked those scary questions in class and pushed harder like you wanted to.

I wish you had been more patient with yourself when your parents separated. You secretly blamed yourself and stopped trusting love. That wasn’t your fault though kid.

I wish you knew how much people liked you and enjoyed being around you.

I wish you knew you didn’t have to work so hard to prove your worth. It was enough to just be.

I wish you knew the pressure was only temporary and they’d all forget how hard you worked in 10 years.

I wish you knew playing basketball was not a thing you actually wanted to spend time doing and I wish you had been cut from the team sooner.

I can’t wait for you to see that it gets so much better.

I can’t wait for you to stop getting those damn hair relaxers.

I can’t wait for you to lose their number.

I can’t wait for you to tell them to piss off.

I can’t wait for you to know they went so far, they don’t even deserve to know why you’re done, you’ll just be DONE.

I can’t wait for you to fail.

I can’t wait for you to get up.

I can’t wait for you to drop the ball so hard again and learn from it.

I can’t wait for you to destroy yourself so bad you become unrecognizable and you finally have a clean slate to start from. (Like really though, WATCH, you’ll be like, “WHAT?! HOW? I FUCKED THIS UUUUUP,” but when you know better you do better and girl… you did that.)

I can’t wait to watch you say no to everything that no longer serves you.

I can’t wait for you to realize you might be closer to a Buddhist than to a Christian then go on that journey.

I can’t wait for you to realize you actually do love plants!

I can’t wait to watch the friends fall off when you finally put your foot down and prioritize you above everything else.

I can’t wait to see you fiercely (and finally) follow your dreams.

I can’t wait to see you shine your light so bright, you silently give permission to everyone around you to shine theirs.

I can’t wait to read all the kind words your colleagues, mentors, friends and family say about you. (Because we respond to feedback, but are immune to criticism.)

I can’t wait to watch you wake up, jump out of bed, bonnet still on, dancing like crazy because you’re so full of joy and your true self is happy to be animated by the source and ALIVE.

I can’t wait to watch you win again and again and again.

You were made for this and every bit of your experience was necessary and useful.

Keep. going.